is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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