im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
