I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
