Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
is that a dick in a sweater?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
