i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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