shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
