you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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