ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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