he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
