totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
