I cannot find my penis.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
