I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
