i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
