1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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