I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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