I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
