Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
