Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
