ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
