Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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