It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
