I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
