those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
are you so shy because you have an std?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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