I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize