She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He? As in you personified your dick?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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