I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
