Already got asked if we're dating
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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