so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
