I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize