I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
