lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
