im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
