hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize