i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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