I want to make a zoo with you.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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