I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
