Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
