Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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