these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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