Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
porn star boner night. come get it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
