Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
