i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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