The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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