Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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