So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
