go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
