I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
