This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize
