the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
