Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize