Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
