He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
