Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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