I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
