You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
