What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
