just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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