Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
