I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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