i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this will be a night to untag.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
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