hotel room ftw
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
