Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
