i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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