is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
