You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
