so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
