he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
