I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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