If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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