Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize