Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
