If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize