I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
