that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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