Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
