I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
