hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
