I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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