she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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