Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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