i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
