So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
