he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
