I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
