is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
