You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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