I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize