Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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