How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
