i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
