Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize