the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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